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The Gram of God by Gerry McDonnell

Beating the bookies is an enjoyable pastime, but is there more to life? Recently, I've felt an urge to discover a deeper meaning to my existence, leading me to conduct a little research in the field of religion and spirituality, in search of enlightenment, in search of God.

As always, the first stop for any serious researcher is Sky Sports News. Within 15 minutes, I'd discovered that the Holy One is a Scouse scally by the name of Robbie Fowler.

In football, as in life, sometimes you have to go back to move forward, and the signing of Fowler is a step in the right direction for the Reds. The Pool's midfield is as creative as any in the league, yet a misfiring Cisse, an overrated Morientes and a game but ultimately limited Crouch have failed to take chances in the big matches. The Pool have flopped against Chelsea on three occasions this season, with God on their side, that's about to change. Kop a load of the Reds at 7/2.

I don't dislike Robbie Savage, to be honest I can take him or leave him; and I could definitely take him. Mark Hughes believes that the blonde nause is unfairly criticised at times, claiming that Robbie is more sinned against than sinner. The jury's out on that one; they're back, he's guilty.

Rob's mob are a tasty looking punt at 6/4 away at West Brom. The Baggies lack a quality striker up front; I suggest that they sign Rob Earnshaw in the summer.

It was always going to happen; after Gary Neville's crotch-shaking badge-kissing Scouse-baiting goal celebration, Man U were destined to be drawn away at Anfield in the next round of the Cup.

It's tough to pick a winner in that one, but at home to Fulham in the League, United are a confident call at 1/4. No visiting team has left Old Trafford with a clean sheet this season; the zero in Fulham's away win column can breathe easily.

Arsene Wenger has (once again) bought extremely well in the transfer window. In Diaby, they finally have a replacement for Vieira, while Walcott is a young Henry. The future's bright, the future's raspberry. Arsene sends his young guns to an improving Birmingham, 9/4 is on the table about the draw; help yourself to seconds.

Poor old Paul Scharner, he's been in the Country for nearly a month, and his team-mates haven't filled him in on ‘Rule 1'; he had to learn the hard way that the laying of hands on Duncan Ferguson is strictly prohibited. Without Jason Roberts, Wigan will be taught another lesson at the Reebok. Bolton are the bet of the week at 10/11.

Joey Barton's decision to hand in a transfer request was a strange one. The City board overlooked his awful interpretation of Hamlet at a Christmas party, and were lenient after a pre-season brawl with a teenage Everton fan. Barton will start against an Everton side without madman Duncan Ferguson; be like Joey, mark the coupon with an X. The draw is available at 9/4.

The weekend specials:

"Kop idol" - Robbie Fowler to score and Liverpool to win 1-0 55/1
"Duncan disorderly" – Everton to have a player sent off 10/1
"Ash, bang wallop" - Dean Ashton to score a hat-trick 16/1
"Sutton for the weekend" - Chris Sutton to score and Birmingham to win 1-0 50/1
"Barton, think" – Joey Barton to be booked 7/4

Quote of the week:

"I feel like a kid waking up on Christmas morning."

Robbie Fowler: Racehorse owner, property magnate and excitable 30 year old.

Revelation of the week:

Robbie Savage's middle name is... Willy

Stat, you're a liberty:

It's a brave man that criticises Stuart Pearce; I am not a brave man. Man City have only won once away from home since August, it must be an anomaly.

Acc of the week:

Bolton, Blackburn, West Ham, Man Utd and Tottenham are the five good things on the coupon, the accer will pay out at 14/1.

Weekend Betting:

Birmingham v Arsenal Saturday 4th February 15.00

Birmingham 11/4
Draw 9/4
Arsenal 5/6

Get on: Draw

Liverpool and Man U had to settle for a point at St Andrews. After three consecutive 1-0 defeats on the road, the Gunners will be reasonably happy with a point.
Match Special:
Match to finish 1-1 or 2-2 4/1

Bolton v Wigan Saturday 4th February 15.00

Bolton 10/11
Draw 9/4
Wigan 5/2

Get on: Bolton

It's been five months since a visiting team left the Reebok with three points. Wigan have only won two of their last nine matches away from home; chalk this one up to Big Sam.
Match Special:
Stelios to score at any time 2/1

Everton v Man City Saturday 4th February 15.00

Everton Evs
Draw 9/4
Man City 9/4

Get on: Draw

It's eight matches undefeated for the Toffeemen; City have only one won match on the road in five months. It's been 14 years since City left Goodison with three points, a tough match to call.
Match Special:
Match to finish 0-0 or 1-1 3/1

Middlesbrough v Aston Villa Saturday 4th February 15.00

Middlesbrough 11/8
Draw 2/1
Aston Villa 7/4

Get on: Aston Villa

Boro haven't won a league match at the Riverside since last November, the Villa are unbeaten in six on their travels.
Match Special:
Milan Baros to score two or more goals 7/1

Newcastle v Portsmouth Saturday 4th February 15.00

Newcastle 4/6
Draw 12/5
Portsmouth 7/2

Get on: Draw

Pompey have lost their last six on the road against Premiership opposition; the Geordies look an average outfit without Michael Owen. The last four matches between these two have been drawn, I spy another.
Match Special:
Alan Shearer not to score 4/6

West Brom v Blackburn Saturday 4th February 15.00

West Brom 6/4
Draw 11/5
Blackburn 6/4

Get on: Blackburn

Sunderland and Villa were the last two visitors to the Hawthorns, they both left with the points. Blackburn have won their last three on the road in the league, you can see that run continuing.
Match Special:
Pedersen to score the only goal of the game 45/1

West Ham v Sunderland Saturday 4th February 15.00

West Ham 4/7
Draw 12/5
Sunderland 9/2

Get on: West Ham

The Hammers have won five on the bounce, scoring two goals or more in each match. Sunderland are the worst team in the history of the Premiership.
Match Special:
Dean Ashton to score two or more goals 5/1

Man Utd v Fulham Saturday 4th February 17.15 Live on PPV

Man Utd 1/4
Draw 7/2
Fulham 10/1

Get on: Man Utd

Fulham will win away from home this season, but it won't be today. It's been over four months since a team left Old Trafford with more than a point, banker home win.
Match Special:
Van Nistelrooy to score a hat-trick 14/1

Tottenham v Charlton Sunday 5th February 13.30 Live on Sky

Tottenham 8/13
Draw 12/5
Charlton 4/1

Get on: Tottenham

Spurs are defending an impressive home record; the Champions are the only team to leave the Lane victorious. It's been three months since the Addicks won a league match away from home.
Match Special:
Danny Murphy to score from outside the penalty area 9/1

Chelsea v Liverpool Sunday 5th February 16.00 Live on Sky

Chelsea 8/11
Draw 11/5
Liverpool 7/2

Get on: Liverpool

It's now three matches without a win for the Champions, and six matches without a clean sheet. Seven of the last nine meetings between these two have produced one goal or less; the Pool can score, and one goal will be enough to take the points.
Match Special:
Liverpool to win 1-0 9/1


Previous Articles From Gerry McDonnell

» Weekend Tips / A Lazy 'Worst Of' Compilation
» Thai Hard: With a Vengeance
» I've just about had an oeuf
» There Ste Goes Again
» Red Bull - It Gives You Wins
» Lock Stock and Two Smoking Carols
» My Big Fat Weak Wedding
» A Mini Weapon of Mass Destruction
» There's life in the old dog...unfortunately
» Hairy Plotter and the Half-Blood Prince
» As One Door Shuts...A Nutter One Opens
» A Dodgy Ruby and a Stuffed Nan
» Strawberry Fields For Heather
» Wayne drops keep falling on my head
» The hurly bird catches the worm
» Driving Miss Dozy
» Rings that go bump in the night
» Rise of the foot long soldier
» Let's all do the Bart Man
» Obi 1 Hand Solo 0
» Charity, Empathy and Chas to Tea
» Bow Down To Happy Gilmore
» Third Ruck from the Son
» Short and fat, with a Terry on the top
» It's Wayne in Cats and Dogs
» On the third day... Heroes again
» The Wright to remain silent
» This is the ode to Hel
» Lies, Damn Lies and Jamie Redknapp
» Cole, Frank Incensed and Meh
» One flu over...the cuckoo's next
» A Naan and a Leg
» The Chicken or the Meg
» Sven, I'm 6 to 4
» Two Wongs Don't Make Awight
» The Catcher in the Guy
» Girls Allowed? It's Encouraged
» Ding Dong, Merry Lee on High
» Why fight the hand that kneads you?
» Live Free or Pie Hard
» It's not if, it's Sven
» A Ruck and a Charred Plaice
» Hate Days are Weak
» A Small Murphy's...Maybe
» A Chick with a Pick
» We have to stop the Blubber Ring
» I've got my Bouncer down to a Tea
» Should Have Gone To Becks, Save Us
» You Do Thumb Thing To Me
» My French is just Shocking
» 64 Seconds in Paris
» McCaffrey's Gone Flat
» A Little Wayne Never Hurt Anyone
» The Heir on the Dog
» An Expired Pizza to Enter Jordan
» Beer Today Scone Tomorrow
» FA tell McClaren to FO
» That Lam Chop was Delightful
» He's in the Nic
» Lettuce get it on
» The bra has been raised
» The fruit is on the other foot
» Swing When You're Tinning
» A Primate of Fear
» In Thickness and in Elf
» I saw her limping there
» Pie Will Survive
» A Pizza The American Dream
» Playing with one's health
» Heifery Thing Must Go
» A Spanish Beer Mug
» All I want for Christmas is Ewe
» Ex-Panda Bull
» Gone in 64 seconds
» Back to the Fuhrer
» I'm a celebrity, get me oat
» I pity the Newell
» Arsene! Coffee!
» Razor Nigh Brow
» Flappy Girth Day To Roo
» Balloon out of all proportion
» The 'No Bell' Peace Prize
» Where are you now... when I kneed you
» The Bedding Zinger
» A Bung, Bung, Bungalow in Baghdad
» It ain't over 'til the fat laddie swings
» Sore Berries and Cream
» The bitterest pillow
» A Ferd in the hand is worth two on the box
» A Drog with two ricks
» A tie, with a Lam starter
» The Thin Blue Swine, an antepost special
» There's a bad moo on the rise
» Pie, have you forsaken me?
» A rest Wayne in order
» An Aggravated Ribery
» Bat's the way I like it, Aha Aha
» Don't fry for me, Argentina
» Don't you, forget about Lee
» Amir formality for the King
» Marlon, Hammer Reds and Pool Wails
» A nappy ending
» Only tools and horses
» She's got one hand in my pocket
» The pair of the Drog
» Cesc, Drogs and Rock and Roll
» Dairy goes again
» Cruising for a Bruce-ing
» It's a war for four, send in the Gunners
» Jose, can you see? (The star-mangled spanner)
» Smudge not, lest ye be Smudged
» The Jewell of Denial
» Give the Neville his due
» Rob 'n Peter to slay Paul
» The Gram of God
» Whale Meat Again?
» Up a creek, without a Kanu


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